Signs It Might Be Time for Couples Therapy
Most couples don't wake up one day and decide to start therapy. More often, it's a slow build — a few hard months that turn into a pattern that turns into a wall neither partner knows how to get past. Couples therapy isn't only for relationships in crisis; it's also for partners who want to get ahead of a pattern before it hardens.
Common Reasons Couples Seek Therapy
Couples come to therapy for a wide range of reasons. Some of the most common include:
Frequent or repetitive conflict — the same argument resurfacing in different forms
Emotional distance — feeling more like roommates than partners
Challenges with sex and intimacy — mismatched desire, avoidance, or disconnection
Difficulty communicating — conversations that escalate quickly or shut down entirely
Infidelity — rebuilding trust and understanding what happened
Feeling stuck — sensing that you're going in circles without a way to get unstuck on your own
Signs Worth Paying Attention To
You don't need a single dramatic event to justify seeking support. Consider therapy if you notice:
Conversations about sensitive topics almost always turn into arguments
One or both of you have started avoiding certain topics altogether
You feel lonelier in the relationship than you would being single
Small issues trigger disproportionately large reactions
You've stopped trying to repair after conflict, or repair attempts aren't landing
Trust has been broken and hasn't been fully addressed
You're staying together out of habit or obligation rather than choice
What Couples Therapy Actually Looks Like
Couples therapy is a collaborative process, not a referee situation. A therapist typically helps partners:
Understand the pattern, not just the content of individual arguments
Identify each partner's underlying needs and fears driving the conflict
Build communication skills that hold up under stress, not just in calm moments
Repair after rupture, including addressing trust issues like infidelity
Reconnect emotionally and physically at a pace that works for both partners
Many therapists use structured, evidence-based approaches for this work — most notably the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), both of which are widely researched for couples work.
Is Couples Therapy Only for Married Couples?
No. Couples and relationship therapy is inclusive of unmarried partners, long-term relationships, and diverse relationship structures, including non-monogamous and polyamorous relationships. You also don't need both partners' full buy-in to start — some people begin in individual therapy to work on their side of the relationship first.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do we know if it's "bad enough" to need therapy? There's no threshold of severity required. If a pattern is causing distress for either partner, that's reason enough to seek support — waiting for things to get worse isn't necessary.
What if my partner won't come to therapy? Individual therapy can still be valuable. Working on your own communication patterns, triggers, and needs often shifts the relationship dynamic, even without a partner in the room.
How long does couples therapy usually take? This varies widely depending on the concerns being addressed, but many couples start noticing shifts in communication within a few months of consistent sessions.
Getting Started in Ann Arbor
Intuitive Therapy Partners has more than one couples therapist to choose from. Sarah Cissell, LMSW and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, works with couples on intimacy and relationship communication. Valerie Roedenbeck Maloof, LMSW, is trained in the Gottman Method and works with couples on communication, conflict, and life transitions; couples sessions with her are private pay. Both see clients in Ann Arbor with telehealth options available. Schedule a free consultation or learn more on Valerie Maloof or Sarah Cissell's profile.
