Have you ever asked yourself, why do I have trouble dating?
Many people feel like they are doing all the right things in their relationships but struggle to find the “right” person. They may notice that they enjoy spending time with people on dates but often tell us that things just feel “right,” or that they feel like they can’t get the relationship any “deeper.” Sometimes these people just aren't the right fit, but other times the problem may be with our clients’ sense of self. Your sense of self is how you see yourself, especially in relation to others.
We all want to be liked, especially in romantic settings, but sometimes this desire can lead to people suppressing their own opinions, feelings, and emotions, in order to meet the expectations they assume their partner has. Over time this leads to a relationship that may be fun, exciting, or agreeable, but lacks emotional depth. People in these relationships often feel unseen and often don’t realize they have been holding back their own feelings and desires. This is where therapy can help to build your confidence in your sense of self.
How can therapy help?
Therapy can help you express vs explain your emotions: Oftentimes people confuse the concept of expressing emotions with the concept of expressing emotions. Think of the difference between someone saying “that’s funny” and someone keeled over in laughter. Therapy can help you learn to express your feelings in a way that feels genuine, vulnerable, and open, which can lead to deeper and more meaningful emotional connections.
Therapy can help you build confidence in your sense of self: As you begin to more easily recognize and express your emotions you may notice you start to feel more connected to your personal values and beliefs. As you feel increasingly confident in your values, it becomes easier to believe that other people can love and appreciate you for being you.
Therapy can help you not mask yourself in front of others: Masking is when you suppress you interests, behaviors and other details about yourself so you can better match what you think others want to see from you. In therapy, we ca work on your ability to express emotions, trust in your sense of self, and believe in your ability to be loved for who you are. Self acceptance and appreciation can allow you to date without feeling the need to “mask” and please others. Therapy can allow you to feel confident in letting yourself be seen which will help lead to deeper, more meaningful relationships.
To learn more about how accepting and loving yourself can help you find love, reach out to one of our therapists. Initial consultations are free and confidential.
Spencer Korte, LLMSW, specializes in depression, anxiety and substance use management and sobriety. Schedule a free consultation or read more on Spencer Korte's therapist profile.
Kristy Correll, LMSW, specializes in the mind-body connection and how self regulation can help manage the symptoms of SAD. Schedule a free consultation or read more on Kristy Correll's therapist profile.